With the country and the world starting to open up again we know that parents are getting back into the swing of busy days with clubs, parties, outings and with half term round the corner we asked Deniz Mustard, the Emotional Fitness Coach how we can find a bit more head space as parents.
Here’s what Deniz told us:
Time and space is a rare commodity as a parent even more so for single parents. However regardless of your situation your emotional wellbeing is paramount. Putting yourself at the bottom of the pile is nonsensical and you will receive no adulation.
What impact can this have?
Your lack of self-care and presence is very important as it not only teaches your children how to cope in situations but it also teaches them that their feelings don’t matter all because you don’t take time to care about how you feel.
Your health is your wealth and you need to choose you all the time. We are living in a time where our mental and emotional wellbeing is taking a hammering, there are no positive messages and we are told to put our own health and body aside for the sake of others.
This conditioning is detrimental as it causes a ripple effect to all areas of our life. Unconscious behaviour is why we struggle so when we don’t take action to put ourselves to the top of the pile you are unconsciously telling yourself that you don’t matter. If you struggle to believe that you matter then fake it till you make it.
What can we do to get a bit of mental space back in our lives?
In order to connect to you and the importance of your wellbeing, here are a few tips that you can do today. This will help you create time and space for you so you can take positive actions steps to put yourself first.
1. What makes you happy?
Actively participate in activities that is just for you or that you enjoy (this can be with the family). This might be a work out, studying, socialising, reading etc whatever it may be. It is time you have carved out for you.
2. Stop when stressed
When we are feeling anxious, stressed or overwhelmed STOP. Never do anything till these feelings subside or have gone completely. Working through regardless actually makes you feel worse and doesn’t make you productive. Calm your energy down and clear this space before you continue. You can do this via meditation, going out in nature or simply focusing on the emotions that you feel in your body. Giving yourself the space that will help dissipate these emotions, continuing is like self-harm and does not serve you.
To be a better parent, human being and conscious individual we have to create awareness of self. Be aware of your victim mode/mentality, its ok to feel like a victim but unless you create awareness you can never change the problem. I hear so often from parents that they don’t have time or space but you are not with your child every minute of the day unless they are newborn and even then you can still take 30mins for you. The notion that you can’t is a perception/belief. Create awareness to the energy and hold this has over you and the stories you have invested into believing this. Remember your thoughts create your reality.
4. Being mindful about being present
In the moment when you are walking your kids to school pay attention. Are you off elsewhere thinking about all the things you have to get done that day? If so consciously bring yourself back to what you’re doing. This practice of bringing yourself back is a skill that needs daily reminder and will ensure you don’t miss a thing. You can do this with anything hanging the washing, washing the dishes bring yourself back to the moment.
We know the feeling of needing some space and as Deniz says we all need to find a way of creating that space. Here at not only pink and blue one of the ways we create a bit of space and time is colouring in as a family activity. It gives us a moment of concentration although we admit it is never quiet! We love using Stib colouring pencils with their inspirational engravings and if your children like puzzles as well the we’ve got some fantastic activity books. We’ve also got some fun colouring sheets that are free to download if you need some inspirations – you can get them here.
How does this all take?
These are just some of the things that you can begin to practice. It is a practice, you wont get it straight away or even after a week. It is like eating well and exercising you have to consider it daily and weekly for the rest of your life. There will be periods of ebb and flow, this is life and we need to go with it not resist it.